Food and Weather

What a good day. I did not get near enough done, but enjoyed myself anyways. It was one of those days where it was really hard to pull myself back inside when I took Ares out. And TJ and I sat on the beach for a while later, too. I'm gonna try and get more organized when it comes to eating well. TJ and I have decided to try each making one meal per week - and making that meal a healthy and cheap one, doubled or tripled to allow for leftovers. It was a kind of sultry day. The air was thick and salty, heavy with ocean and atmosphere, so tonight I made Baltimorean Beans and Rice. It was a recipe I found at this website, where the author has listed five variations on the basic rice and beans dish. So good! And we had a Natty Boh style beer, to boot!

Also, muffins are one of my favorite breakfast foods. It is my guilty pleasure to grab a muffin and a coffee from McDonald's in the mornings. So, tonight I made some breakfast muffins. Oatmeal banana. Pretty good recipe. I threw in some coconut, too.

Wha, wha, what

What if the antagonists in our lives are written in - by ourselves or our Higher Power - and part of the plot? What if we can never move on to the next chapter or series of stories until we first conquer these arch enemies that we continue to meet, who appear like clock-work in certain familiar forms?

What if life's meaning can be found in the ways we face our most feared and/or little monsters? What if the voids and lags we experience are merely results of walking under our own clouds, cloaked in sweet ignorance and blame and needless mashing and confusing of thoughts?

What if everything is simpler than we admit?

Space

Lately my life has become very busy and I have started to feel overwhelmed almost all the time. I've been doing a lot of mental sorting these past few days. What I've found is that some things have been getting dusty (my creative life, my social life, my self care) and other areas have been getting over used (work, school, brain). All in all, it's icky and the end result is me in a pile of jumbled nerves every night.

I was just doing some navel gazing, and reading my other blog choose to engage. At the risk of sounding totally and completely narcissistic, I liked what I wrote on that blog. And I got a sort of peaceful feeling reading it. I love creative writing, and I love the sense of space I had.

Although I have only been using this blog (Lemon Life) as a happy, cheery, "fluff" bog, it's not that my life is always fluff. I don't think there's anything wrong with writing a "fluff" blog, but it's starting to feel not as genuine as it could be, either. So anyways, what am I saying?

Maybe I want to do some more creative writing in blog form again.
Also, I think I will be making some changes in my life again. I don't want another two years of feeling overwhelmed. It' unhealthy.
Also, I still like pies and sunshine and flowers and beach walks and home made soup.

If you are reading, hope you have a week with a little loveliness in it.

Messy

I go for minor surgery tomorrow. I can't eat past midnight tonight, so here it is 11:08 and I am stuffing my face. I was thinking about life and how it is messy. The other night, TJ made shrimp gumbo and I made some crunchy drop biscuits to go along. I felt so happy just being there and I looked around and everything in the house was a mess - unwashed dishes, stuff all over. And I thought, life is best when I am relaxed and I can just let things be messy. One thing I struggle with is trying to have everything so clean and tidy before we have anybody over. Really, I would rather have a messy house and enjoy my life and my family and friends visiting, than have a perfectly spotless place and just be all anxious and exhausted by the time people get to my place. Mind you, there is a difference between allowing things to be messy and being disgusting. Life is like that, too. I am back taking my classes (had a few weeks break). Tonight I was reading and writing about knowing that it is healthy to be less than perfect. It is healthy to strive, yes, but also to be content in the middle of the striving, too. Some things, I am powerless to change about myself. Other things, I can work on. Sorting out what is what takes a lifetime. And that is okay. That is good. Maybe I am being cryptic here...not that I'm trying to, it's just how it's coming out tonight. Let it be what it is.

Oregon Holiday

TJ and I spent last week in Oregon with our two sweet and beautiful friends A&R. The photos below are out of order, and it kind of reflects the nature of the trip for me. We experienced a lot, and I am still processing it all. Overall, it was inspiring, adventurous, good fun, challenging at times, and full.

Taking our van was quite the adventure. We knew when we bought our Westy that it was going to bring with it the potential of sitting by the side of the road....and lo and behold, we did experience that. I am thankful for easy going friends, silicone, and kind-hearted mechanics, despite my sometimes crazy anxiety. Seeing the Oregon coast ocean was so beautiful, and inspired me so much more to learn to surf someday....I plan to try paddle surfing (with B!) this year, so here's hoping!

Portland itself was great. It was boiling hot (to me), and felt like we drove into an instant, sultry summer. I was especially impressed by all the coffee, good food, and awesome tattoos I saw almost everyone sporting. Oh, and Powell's books....I loved Powell's books. PS...we got to watch Mad Men in a theatre!!

We spent our last night in a junk yard in Manzanita. It is a long story, which includes a cheese factory, an AA meeting, a tow truck, funk music, a small quiet library, good mexican food and an especially kind mechanic......plus TJ and I fell in love with Manzanita. Overall, I am glad to be home and itching to make some new music...always a sign of a good holiday, right?

Random Thingz

It's kind of a dreary day here, one of those white sky days. Our pear tree seems so close to blooming (I just took the above picture about a minute ago). Since our van, Sheila, is out of the shop, we have spent the past few days getting her ready for our first road trip with Andrew and Rachael.....so excited! We've been sorting and prepping, shopping for a stereo, etc. We rented a shampooer and it's starting to feel "new-to-us"!

Other things I've been doing is enjoying not being at work or having homework for a few days. I've been eating TJ's wonderful poached eggs and fresh coffee in the mornings. I've been re-working a lot of my old jewelry into new pieces that I will hopefully wear.

I've been pondering what to put into my little planters on the back deck. I've been enjoying any sun I can get. I've been doing a little work on anxious thoughts and practicing some new meditation/relaxation visuals, which I love. I've been enjoying a lot of K'Naan and old music from my college days.

The other day, I walked by someone sitting in a car in the sun, playing a video game. I smiled and realized something I enjoy is sitting in a warm car in the sun....so I posted the below photo (of me in our sun-warmed van) on instagram and found others also can relate! By the way, the photo below features the new mirror I purchased for the van ($2.59 @ 3 Vets) which can stand on it's own, mount on a pole, or hang. For some reason I just love it! Peace out.

Easter Weekend

Yesterday we went on a date in Chinatown, and had some good bbq pork at Kam Gok Yuen, and also some gourmet donuts from Cartems Donuterie (Maple Bourbon Bacon & Earl Grey). It's kind of hilarious how these food fads come and go, and I love to try them out! Anyway, they were some of the best donuts I ever remember tasting (besides the fresh glazed ones from the bakery in Athabasca that I remember from when I was a little girl). But nothing can ever quite compare to our nostalgic food memoires, can they?

We have been continuing to enjoy the slow evolution of spring here. I don't know if Vancouver is feeling like home yet, but it is starting to feel familiar, and I am still really appreciative of the joys of living here. I hope I never take the good things here for granted, although it's definitely not a perfect city. When I get out and enjoy things here I appreciate it more.

I haven't made a pie in a while, and I'm not sure if I want to keep doing it. I'll probably make them once in a while, but I'm trying to eat better, and it's difficult with sweet stuff around! Ah, but I do have pie dreams....blackberry, saskatoon, chocolate cream, lemon meringue, key-lime, peach....

I finished my second class last week. I have a few precious weeks without school before I start my summer courses. It's been very luxurious to not have to worry about school work. I've been working almost full-time this semester, which is not ideal. So anyways, this four day weekend is really great. We're not ding much to celebrate Easter, but I am making a nice meal tonight. TJ is super busy with his final projects for the semester. I've been taking it easy, done some painting, some sorting, and yesterday I dusted off my portable record player. I'm actually listening to a Joni Mitchell record right now with my earphones. I think I'm gonna bring it on our road trip in a few weeks!