Sweet and Sour

Life, life, life. Along with the beautiful blossoms come itchy eyes and stuffy nose for me! Along with birthday joy always comes a piece of grief on that day about Scott. Along with spring comes rain. Life is both sweet and sour at the same time. You never get exactly what you want, but then you find out that's because what you wanted is not what you actually needed. How much of life is my choice, how much is chance, how much is some greater design? I don't pretend to have answers for this anymore. I am reminded of the serenity prayer that I say at work several times a day:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

I love that life is learning. I love that life is about accepting and knowing that even when you experience the same things over again, it's never actually quite the same. There is a mystery to life that I do not want to solve anymore. There is a risk in really living. It's a rush.

TJ got me Laurie Anderson records and Joni Mitchell for my birthday. I feel spoiled rotten and not as thoughtful. I need to have more space in my life. How do you do that?

Navel Gazing and Cherry Blossoms

I am such a navel gazer. Been doing a lot of that this past little while. Been a bit stressed, etc. Not feeling the greatest. But today is Sunday and a day that I am choosing to do nothing. Well, maybe a bit of homework. I made these breakfast cookies (with only half as much maple syrup, and the addition of raisins, and whole wheat flour instead of spelt) to go with TJ's delicious coffee. I have also been contemplating stopping eating the free lunch at work when I am there. It's so tempting and so easy, but not really the kinds of food my body needs. TJ and I have planned to prep a bunch of vegetables for the week. And today I'm gonna make a bean and quinoa salad (inspired by Rachael's instagram lunch picture!) that will hopefully last several days.

I am still so enjoying the mild Vancouver life. I am realizing that spring is a long eventual season here. I found out my mom and dad will be coming to visit when the cherry blossoms will be full out! What a wonderful time that is! Below is the first row of cherry blossoms we've seen so far. I can't wait to visit Stanley Park soon and just soak up the cherry love! Cherry blossoms have been dear to my heart for a number of years, now. I had a friend speak over me that I was like a cherry blossom - multi-faceted. Today, I own that, and I love it. And I see other people like cherry blossoms now, too. There are so many sides to all of us.

Life Stuff

Life is up and down. I got my check-up with my specialist this week, and the news isn't totally bad, but not totally good, either. Doc doesn't think I have anything cancerous, but I do go in for minor surgery again sometimes within the next month or two (waiting for a date). It's hard not to get down or too anxious. But I have very supportive family and friends. It's a strange feeling though, knowing if it weren't for medical science and an unfortunate but synchronistic chain of events, that I might be dead by now, or at least very sick. But I remind myself of that phrase "You were born for such a time as this", adapted from a biblical verse in the book of Esther. Meaning, for whatever reason, I am here. Actually, so many of us are here because of being rescued, in one way or another. I am back to this mixed feeling of gratefulness and the shock of mortality. I'm gonna be sure to really live out what is in my heart.