Lentils....and more.

Tonight I made my lentil soup for the first time since we moved here. It is something I have been making for years, and it was sooooo comforting. I think part of feeling at home is partaking in personal ritual. What a content feeling it was to be cooking up soup on a rainy day.

Also, making the soup reminded me of my Cheap Eats post from earlier on this blog. I thought I would try and post some of my efforts to eat on a budget.

So, here goes:

Basic Lentil Soup

This recipe is from the More With Less cookbook.

Estimated cost: $5.00 max.

Serves: Two dinner meals for TJ and I, with bread. (I made 1 1/2 recipes tonight, to stretch it for a third meal).

1 1/4 cup lentils

6 cups water

Cook for 30 minutes or until lentils are tender.

Add:

2 carrots

1/2 cup sliced green onions (I usually just use chopped yellow onion)

1 1/2 cup tomato juice (or tomato sauce, or crushed or diced tomatoes)

1/2 cup minced parsley (I didn't have any fresh or frozen tonight, so went without)

1 clove garlic, crushed (I usually add two)

1 T. margarine or butter

1 1/2 teaspoons salt

fresh pepper

1/2 teaspoon dried oregano

Bring to boil, reduce heat, and simmer. just until carrots are tender.

Check seasonings and serve.

Tonight I partially blended my lentils and diced tomatoes, then added the carrots and spices to cook.

Homesick Blues, a New EP, and Other Thoughts.

It is raining. I was reading that even different weather can be hard to adjust to, after moving to a new location. I have been pretty homesick lately.

I think it's really sinking in that all of our friends and family are not just a quick jaunt away. I can't call my sis and go for a morning walk with her, the dogs, and my nephew. I can't plan a coffee date with Jess, we can't meet the VB's at Dadeo's, pop over to A&R's, no more whirlwind trips to mom and dad's in Camrose, or weekend coffee and talk fests with Myra. No more Urban Bridge sunday mornings. I could cry!

I knew this homesickness would come, it's just taken a while. At first it was all "setting up the new place, getting to know the city, waiting for TJ to get here", and then it was all "enjoy the city with TJ". We also got to enjoy a visit from Rachael and Andrew a week ago.

But now real life is beginning. (Except that we get a visit from Jess and Josh this week!!)

I think the stresses of a new job and of starting my classes have emphasized things. I find myself interacting with a lot of new people - both on my job and in my class. It seems like it would be comforting to be around new people, but instead it feels taxing, and takes a lot of energy to get to know everyone and put myself out there again, when all I want is the familiar, all I want is to be around the people I love already. It makes me realize I took you all for granted.

My first counselling course is already getting deeply personal, and the assignments are forcing me to look at myself, and to get really firm in who I am. I am feeling inwardly really good about who I am, about my professional skills, too. But at the same time, I am dropped in a bunch of new environments, and feel very unrecognized. I don't feel like I am outwardly shining at all. (Plus, I got a bad haircut...time to remedy that, right?) I realize I am still very shy at first, and I don't seem to be presenting myself as the person I really am. Shucks!!

So all of the above being said, I've got to "get back".......to my music, to art. And back to a spiritual community (we may have found one last night), and spiritual discipline again.

As a way of making myself finalize a few parts, I wanted to say that, sometime in the next few weeks, I will be sharing an ep of songs that I recorded in Edmonton this summer. They are a very different style than I used to do, and I will have a new "artist name", too!

Okay, thanks for reading if you got this far!

Today

Today it was raining.

Today I worked until 7am, tried unsuccessfully to sleep in a wheelie chair on my break.

This morning I rode a near-empty bus through the rain and watched out the windows at all the stores on Granville Street, and passed the lights of the Orpheum theatre.

Today I made egg and cheese bagels for TJ and I, then slept until 4 pm.

Today I woke up in a funk and a daze.

Today I ranted about not being able to access my school online, and was not able to do any homework. Trying not to be overly stressed about this, but annoyed that an online graduate program would be inaccessible.

Today I washed my bus pass in the laundry...AGAIN.

Today went to the Smoking Dog and had boeuf bourguignon and vanilla creme brule with a malbec wine. I read on wikipedia that: "A popular but unconfirmed theory claims that Malbec is named after a Hungarian peasant who first spread the grape variety throughout France." Anyway, it was lovely.

Today we took Ares out around the block in the light rain, and TJ picked some figs from a tree in our back alley.

Today I missed my friends and family in Alberta.

Today was a mix of irritation with a dash of vancouver and french goodness thrown in. You can't totally win 'em all!

Lion's Gate & Low Tide

On Saturday we went to Stanley Park, but first walked across the Lion's Gate bridge. I was so scared! It was weird, I felt sick to my stomach and couldn't look down, and kind of slowly hobbled the whole way across.

Got to enjoy low tides at Spanish Banks beach on Sunday morning. It felt like some sort of heaven. You could walk so far out on the water and on the sand dunes. Our little iphone cameras could not really capture it, but it was wonderful.

Also, I worked my first night shift last night. It was not that bad, I didn't really mind it! In fact, I liked it. Got home, walked to the beach with TJ and Ares, then home to bed.

Sunshine, Thoughts on Cancer, &C.

It's another sunny day in Vancouver. I find myself with a lot of positive feelings, today.

Class has started and I am seeing that this master's program is going to be yet another "journey" (I use that word a lot - kind of cheesy counsellor-lingo, I know, but it is such a perfect word!!). Anyways, what I was saying is that my program is going to be yet another journey of self-discovery, but I think in a deeper way.

I can't totally explain it, but somehow, being a survivor of cancer has just changed the way I am. I think it forced me to grow up and be more fully myself, and kind of "take life by the horns". Sometimes I hesitate to call myself a survivor of cancer, because I didn't have to go through chemo or radiation, I only had minor surgery. But in reality, it has affected my life in so many ways:

1) I don't live with an invincible feeling anymore. I realize bad things can happen to me. In fact, it was really bizarre for me to get the type of cancer I did - bladder cancer is typically diagnosed at age 65, and in men. My specialist could hardly believe it. It was even a fluke that it was found, because of another health issue I was having.

2) Gratefulness. If the cancer had not been found when it was, it would have been more serious. I feel lucky, and just so grateful for life. I am grateful for every little moment, now. I hope that gratefulness never goes away. I am working to keep it in my life.

3) Worry. Not one single day of my life goes by now where I don't have a little anxious thought about it coming back, or about getting cancer elsewhere. I have read so much about how bladder cancer is one that has a high likelihood of returning. I go for routine cystoscopies, and I go for another cysto in a couple of months, and each time they get closer, I just worry more. But I am learning that, despite the creeping worry, I can still live my life. Life does not have to be completely pain and worry-free in order to be happy and to be fulfilled. More than one emotion can exist at the same time! The important part is what is done with the emotions.

4) Boldness. Somehow I have a new boldness. I feel like, "this is who I am world, like it or not". Life is too short to worry about what people think, I really feel that now. I can't say I'm never self-conscious, but I can say that I feel much more free to be me, and free to be bold in being me. I'm realizing I have a wealth of things to offer the world (just like everyone does), and I want to give more of that away now. Even on my new job, I am loving it already, and feel more free to give of myself with less worry about trying to be a certain way.

5) Less serious. I feel like I take certain things less seriously now, and approach things with more fun, like music and art.

It's been almost a year since my health issues began, and what a year it has been. I became an auntie!!, we sold our house, we moved to Vancouver and our lifestyle has changed completely, I chopped my hair off, I madly completed some courses to qualify for my master's, I am now a graduate student, I am working again in addictions (but in a lighter type of job than my last), and lots more. Life is good.

Pre Work Jitterbug

It's my first day at my new job tomorrow, and the shifts are twelve hours long. I'm doing the pre-work jitter dance. Trying to get my lunch packed (how much food do you bring??), my clothes ready, and get a good night's sleep. Eek! Sleepy-time tea!

Labour Day Summer

It's been a very summery labour-day weekend. TJ and I have not gotten into any kind of routine yet, as school has not gotten into full swing yet for either of us, and I am still jobless. Anyway, we have had the chance to enjoy some awesome vancouver things.

1. The night market in Richmond. We went with Becky and Pascal, and it was good. It was kind of a whiff of China for me - little reminders, little smells. It made me want to visit Hong Kong.

2. Making art with TJ. Together we made a quick trip to a local thrift store for supplies and enjoyed putting some final touches on our new pad. We got inspired to make some new pieces of art. I did a terrarium (pictured below) and TJ did another quick piece. I love working with him, it's so much fun!

3. Beach walks. Walked down to Kits beach today with Ares and TJ, had a cheeseburger, sat under a tree, dipped my feet in the waves. Ahhh.

4. Laundry and Iced Tea. Hung the laundry outside in the sun to dry, and made sun-soaked licorice mint iced tea.

Beachin' It Up!

While the photo pictured is not technically a "beach", it's at lighthouse park, where TJ and I went yesterday. Today, we are headed to a dog-friendly beach with Ares, taking advantage of the gorgeous, hot September weather. I'm trucking along some course-work, getting started on my first official master's course! I was looking it over, and - goodness - do I ever have a LOT of reading ahead of me! Soon I will be very edumacated. To the beach!

Leaving Room For Life

I'm listening to "The Wilderness of Manitoba" album When You Left the Fire. In between songs you can hear a fire crackling, and that sound is one of my favourite things. A fire crackling represents quiet moments of staring off into the flames, being huddled up in a blanket, maybe reading, or just visiting. Basically, relaxing.

I want to leave room for life in my life. Moving to a new city and province is a chance at a fresh slate. I am a person that somehow always finds herself busy and over-committed. Now, before I commit to anything I hope to measure it to see if it fits with my values. If what I am filling my life with does not fit with my values, then it just doesn't fit in my life. An example is that I spent so much time working on our little house in Edmonton (even just trying to keep it clean), when owning a house and having more rooms and space than you can use is not something I value. And so, I let that time on the house eat into my life in too many ways. You truly do live and learn, though.

Yesterday morning TJ and I picked some blackberries on the beach. It was a perfect moment - we even had the beach to ourselves for a little while, and Ares had a good little run.

I want room for moments like those. I want time to say "okay, sure, let's have a picnic" or "let's go for a bike ride". I know that, of course, life is not all picnics and bike rides and picking wild fruit in your neighborhood, buuuttt..........when those moments come up, I want to be ready for them, instead of being so bogged down in things I "need to do" that I don't notice the opportunities.

I have applied for several jobs that are "casual, on-call" positions. I hesitate about it, because being on call makes it hard to plan or commit to things. But now, if I do get an on-call position, I am thinking it may be a good thing for me....it won't let me stuff too many commitments into my life, and may leave room for the open moments and spaces that is life.