I feel like a hermit. I need suggestions as to how to adjust when you move to a new city thousands of miles away from all your friends and family. I need ideas on where to connect with people. I have not been getting any shifts at work, I have been in the house studying, thinking, and driving myself batty. I miss everyone, seeing people in person. I'm not used to so much time alone. This may sound too much, but I am used to seeing at least ten different people a week. Like, really connecting with someone in the flesh at least a few out of those ten times.TJ and I are thinking of starting to attend the Philosopher's Cafe. It sounds good. There is always church, but we have not decided on one yet. I should reach out more, to the people I do know, which is like three people. I hate that it is hard. Being in a whole bunch of new situations is just draining. I shouldn't complain. But I guess I am. Oh well, this is better then closing up I guess.
I talked to my sis on skype today, that was nice, but just made me want to be there, to pick up my little (chubby) nephew and carry him around. Wah wah. Poor me. I will find a way. I really will, it's true.
But one thing I am realizing is that I find it hard not being recognized. I just took for granted all the people I knew who knew me. It's such a good feeling to be around others who confirm who you are, who know you. It's such a draining experience to be on the other end of that - to be putting yourself out there, wanting to know and be known. It's overwhelming when it's not just a new job, but when it's everything - a job, a city, a group of classmates (on-line for that matter, which makes it way harder), and potentially other places like spiritual communities, neighbourhood communities, etc.
All I know is that I am going to Naam vegetarian restaurant right now to meet TJ, and will have one of their awesome and amazing salads to drown my blahs.
pretty much everything you describe here, I went through when I moved out to Edmonton 4 years ago - then eventually, sometimes without you even recognizing it, you start to have neat people over for chocolate chip cookies and tea :D Slowly, but surely, great people start to know you and challenge you, and you grow in all new ways. It will get to the point that you wonder how you could have thought you life was anywhere close to complete without them, and you will be grateful for the choices you made. That is my experience anyway - I pray the same for you dear friend
ReplyDeleteI'm totally with you on this one Cora! I understand exactly what you are talking about, but unfortunately I haven't figured out a solution yet. I keep thinking how funny it is that in my old life I was longing for more time to be home alone, and now all I want is to have good friends to meet for coffee, and more commitments to keep me busy. But at the same time, I'm so exhausted at the end of the day, I don't want to go anywhere or meet anyone new. How long does it take to feel truly connected and like you have a place in a new city?
ReplyDeletejessica, thanks for the comforting comments! i guess I need to take things in perspective. thanks for bringing it! glad we are friends :)
ReplyDeletekirsten, i think you made a good point - being in new surroundings is exhausting! i'm glad to hear from you though, and I hope that we can each find our places in our new cities sooner than later! in the end, i really don't know how long it takes, either. maybe once the newness become routine, and there is more energy for the social side of things? thinking of you...
ReplyDeleteHey Cora, I feel the exact same way here. Like exact. I want to reach out to a couple people but I just feel really exhausted after work. Sometimes I feel like I will never make friends, and I just want to move back home. I won't though, because I've seen too many friends make that mistake. But I think this is the loneliest I've ever felt. Sometimes I just don't feel like making the effort either, putting myself out there, getting to know someone, I just want people who will accept me and just be friendly with me because they want to, not because I'm new and awkward..
ReplyDelete*sigh* I've never moved so far away before, and I'm sure people survive and do it all the time, but I'm having a hard time too.
Hey Becky,
ReplyDeletesuch a strange time! i'm not glad for you, but glad you can relate. i think the tiredness is the worst. i have a wise friend who told me it takes at least four months after moving to feel like yourself again. well, we are half way there....trudge, trudge, trudge. i looked at some old pictures of me when we were still living in edmonton, and i looked so much more like "me" then. it's amazing how my surroundings can define me!
anyways, it's been good to get together with you guys some, let's continue! and thanks for reading...
I've been meaning to comment on this. Thanks for sharing so openly. All you need is one connection to get other connections flowing.
ReplyDeleteA friend introduced me to this great blog when I was brand new in Edmonton: mwfseekingbff.com. Check it out. If nothing else, it's entertaining and nice to read about the struggles of making lasting friendships.
Take the opportunity to recreate YOU to the new people you're interacting with. Speak to your passions. Keep your already existing relationships alive.
Lots of thoughts, hugs and best wishes to you.
Thanks Rachael...I think I remember you telling me about that blog, too! I am going to look at it right now!
ReplyDelete