Sun Times

The last while has been a bit of a blur. After celebrating mine and TJ's anniversary, I flew out the next morning and got to see my family and friends and attend my nephew's first birthday in Camrose! And I'm looking forward to a relaxing August. But for now, I have left TJ in van-city and am in Alberta, with two weeks left of my summer institute.

My mom and I watched the fireworks on July1st, from the field by their house. And I ended up getting one of my papers in very early that morning. And now....I'm in Calgary, baby. I have been loving the big prairie skies here.

School has been busy and it's been awesome to interact with my classmates in real life. It's funny how on-line interaction is so different than real life. It's so one-dimensional. I'm glad to see that all my other classmates are human beings, just like me. That may sound strange, but I'm not going to rephrase it! (Frankly, I've been doing enough of that lately...)

Also, I got my first pair of sunglasses in a few years, bit the bullet, so to speak. And I am proud of them, thus the cheesy self-portrait. There, how's that for a random blog post?

And to leave you with more randomness, here's the words to the song I am listening to right now:

Oh very young, what will you leave us this time?
You're only dancing on this earth for a short while
And though you're dreams may toss and turn you now
They will vanish away like your daddy's best jeans
Denim blue, fading up to the sky
And though you want 'em to last forever, you know you never will
You know you never will
And the patches make the goodbye harder still


Oh very young, what will you leave us this time?
There'll never be a better chance to change your mind
And if you want this world to see better days
Will you carry the words of love with you
Will you ride the great white bird into heaven?


And though you want to last forever, you know you never will

Colour

The flowers here never cease to amaze moi. It appears to be rose season, well, that and weird and wonderful season. Some flowers here make me want to sing "undah-tha-sea..." I remember, as a kid, being amazed at the big leaves and pine cones my cousin from BC collected and gave to me, along with seashells you could "hear the ocean in". Apparently flowers are huge here, too.

To be honest, I haven't been outside too much lately. Today I did get dressed, but quickly changed back into more comfortable sweats and literally sat on the couch for hours doing homework. Then, I got a bit of energy, did some rebounding, and started my paper-mapping --> this weird new way that I write papers. I make the planning process kind of like an art project, and use mr. sketch smelly markers, etc.

Also, I've gotten the chance to do some art work, because of the self-study art therapy modules I'm working on right now. I love it to pieces, and am especially reminded of how I need and want to increase my art-making skills. Even though being an art therapist is not about helping people make a perfect product, it is still necessary for me to have some artistic skills. The willingness and adventure: I already possess. The discipline and skills: I need to work on. Okay, time to get back to school, I suppose.

Food and Weather

What a good day. I did not get near enough done, but enjoyed myself anyways. It was one of those days where it was really hard to pull myself back inside when I took Ares out. And TJ and I sat on the beach for a while later, too. I'm gonna try and get more organized when it comes to eating well. TJ and I have decided to try each making one meal per week - and making that meal a healthy and cheap one, doubled or tripled to allow for leftovers. It was a kind of sultry day. The air was thick and salty, heavy with ocean and atmosphere, so tonight I made Baltimorean Beans and Rice. It was a recipe I found at this website, where the author has listed five variations on the basic rice and beans dish. So good! And we had a Natty Boh style beer, to boot!

Also, muffins are one of my favorite breakfast foods. It is my guilty pleasure to grab a muffin and a coffee from McDonald's in the mornings. So, tonight I made some breakfast muffins. Oatmeal banana. Pretty good recipe. I threw in some coconut, too.

Wha, wha, what

What if the antagonists in our lives are written in - by ourselves or our Higher Power - and part of the plot? What if we can never move on to the next chapter or series of stories until we first conquer these arch enemies that we continue to meet, who appear like clock-work in certain familiar forms?

What if life's meaning can be found in the ways we face our most feared and/or little monsters? What if the voids and lags we experience are merely results of walking under our own clouds, cloaked in sweet ignorance and blame and needless mashing and confusing of thoughts?

What if everything is simpler than we admit?

Space

Lately my life has become very busy and I have started to feel overwhelmed almost all the time. I've been doing a lot of mental sorting these past few days. What I've found is that some things have been getting dusty (my creative life, my social life, my self care) and other areas have been getting over used (work, school, brain). All in all, it's icky and the end result is me in a pile of jumbled nerves every night.

I was just doing some navel gazing, and reading my other blog choose to engage. At the risk of sounding totally and completely narcissistic, I liked what I wrote on that blog. And I got a sort of peaceful feeling reading it. I love creative writing, and I love the sense of space I had.

Although I have only been using this blog (Lemon Life) as a happy, cheery, "fluff" bog, it's not that my life is always fluff. I don't think there's anything wrong with writing a "fluff" blog, but it's starting to feel not as genuine as it could be, either. So anyways, what am I saying?

Maybe I want to do some more creative writing in blog form again.
Also, I think I will be making some changes in my life again. I don't want another two years of feeling overwhelmed. It' unhealthy.
Also, I still like pies and sunshine and flowers and beach walks and home made soup.

If you are reading, hope you have a week with a little loveliness in it.

Messy

I go for minor surgery tomorrow. I can't eat past midnight tonight, so here it is 11:08 and I am stuffing my face. I was thinking about life and how it is messy. The other night, TJ made shrimp gumbo and I made some crunchy drop biscuits to go along. I felt so happy just being there and I looked around and everything in the house was a mess - unwashed dishes, stuff all over. And I thought, life is best when I am relaxed and I can just let things be messy. One thing I struggle with is trying to have everything so clean and tidy before we have anybody over. Really, I would rather have a messy house and enjoy my life and my family and friends visiting, than have a perfectly spotless place and just be all anxious and exhausted by the time people get to my place. Mind you, there is a difference between allowing things to be messy and being disgusting. Life is like that, too. I am back taking my classes (had a few weeks break). Tonight I was reading and writing about knowing that it is healthy to be less than perfect. It is healthy to strive, yes, but also to be content in the middle of the striving, too. Some things, I am powerless to change about myself. Other things, I can work on. Sorting out what is what takes a lifetime. And that is okay. That is good. Maybe I am being cryptic here...not that I'm trying to, it's just how it's coming out tonight. Let it be what it is.

Oregon Holiday

TJ and I spent last week in Oregon with our two sweet and beautiful friends A&R. The photos below are out of order, and it kind of reflects the nature of the trip for me. We experienced a lot, and I am still processing it all. Overall, it was inspiring, adventurous, good fun, challenging at times, and full.

Taking our van was quite the adventure. We knew when we bought our Westy that it was going to bring with it the potential of sitting by the side of the road....and lo and behold, we did experience that. I am thankful for easy going friends, silicone, and kind-hearted mechanics, despite my sometimes crazy anxiety. Seeing the Oregon coast ocean was so beautiful, and inspired me so much more to learn to surf someday....I plan to try paddle surfing (with B!) this year, so here's hoping!

Portland itself was great. It was boiling hot (to me), and felt like we drove into an instant, sultry summer. I was especially impressed by all the coffee, good food, and awesome tattoos I saw almost everyone sporting. Oh, and Powell's books....I loved Powell's books. PS...we got to watch Mad Men in a theatre!!

We spent our last night in a junk yard in Manzanita. It is a long story, which includes a cheese factory, an AA meeting, a tow truck, funk music, a small quiet library, good mexican food and an especially kind mechanic......plus TJ and I fell in love with Manzanita. Overall, I am glad to be home and itching to make some new music...always a sign of a good holiday, right?